The Merry Women of Konoha
by FlameTwirler
Summary: When Jiraiya is stuck for inspiration, he concocts a scheme that leads to shenanigans and misunderstandings galore. Adaptation of Shakespeare's 'The Merry Wives of Windsor'.
1. Part I

**The Merry Women of Konoha **

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"_O powerful love! that, in some respects, makes a beast a man, in some other, a man a beast._" - The Merry Wives of Windsor, Act 5 Scene 5

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Part I

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Jiraiya sat smiling at the counter, holding a cheek swollen courtesy of his most recent meeting with the Godaime. "Always had a wonderful left hook," he muttered dreamily, lost in reminiscences of what once had been and hopes of what might never be. He would have been content to rest there the remainder of the day, ruminating in his thoughts and ignoring his apprentice. Truthfully, he didn't feel too guilty about the latter though. Naruto had long since moved on from needing his tutelage, had grown tremendously in the past thirteen years, but he knew he liked having a mentor figure and someone to challenge him, so he'd never had the heart to turn him away.

Besides, the kid was ingenious and inventive in ways that made the pervert in him proud.

Suddenly he heard shuffling coming up the road behind him and he grumbled under his breath. Most of the time Ebisu was amusing to torment but Jiraiya had been having quite the interesting time with his dreams, thank you very much, and did not appreciate the interruption.

The man came to stand in front of him, ram-rod straight as if he didn't know how to relax – Jiraiya wondered fleetingly if he truly _didn't_ – and pushed his glasses even further up his nose, as if to have more length to work with for looking down at the sannin. Jiraiya imagined him an overstuffed bird, full to the brim of rules and ego, and sure enough, when he opened his mouth, he started squawking.

"The esteemed hokage has sent me over here to inform you of another complaint lodged concerning your personal misconduct."

The sannin sat up straighter, eyebrows raised. He must have irritated Tsunade more than he'd thought if she'd pulled up more things to quarrel about afterward and even sent someone else after him to settle them. Without conscious thought he rubbed his hands – he always loved getting a rise out of his favorite kunoichi. The fact didn't go unnoticed by Ebisu, though, making the messenger just slightly nervous – after all, perverted, public nuisance or not, the man was still one of the strongest nin the Leaf Village had ever seen. Still, the hokage had chosen to send him after the rogue sannin for a reason, and that was his dedication to propriety above all other things, even if Konohamaru did like to flaunt his weaknesses in his face as often as he could.

Clearing his throat to bring his attention back to the subject at hand, Ebisu continued. "We have received complaints by the honorable guests of every single bath house in the village – _numerous_ complaints, from men and women alike – about your behavior and continual peeping. It has gotten so bad that they have now hired other shinobi to guard the bath houses against you."

Jiraiya waved the concerns away with a negligent movement of his hand. "Shouldn't the hokage and elders be thanking me for that then? If they're hiring our shinobi then I'm actually adding to the village coffers."

Ebisu glared, clearly affronted but unwilling to raise his voice, disdain instead dripping from his words. "Quite to the contrary. Since the infraction is being performed by one of our own, by a shinobi loyal to Leaf and therefore sworn to protect its citizens, the village is having to pay for the nin being sent out to protect these women from you."

Jiraiya actually did wince at that. Oh, he didn't mind offending the elders – in fact he usually rather enjoyed irritating the caustic old buzzards, cooped up so long in their high retreats and stately rooms that they forgot what a real shinobi's life was like. What he didn't like was that when the elders weren't happy then Tsunade wasn't happy, as they harped and picked at her until she was beyond irritated and at her wits end, and that would only come back to bite him in the end.

"What exactly are you here for then?" Jiraiya asked, impatient for the interruption to be over.

"Restitution, to be precise."

He smiled widely. "Knowing my reputation, you really expect me to have extra money laying around? Let alone enough to pay the salaries of eight shinobi?"

Ebisu wasn't surprised the sannin knew how many nin they'd employed; after all, it was the exact number of bath houses within the village perimeter. "Then at least your word that you will cease your perversions and peeping-"

"-_Research_," Jiraiya interrupted.

"-_Peeping_," Ebisu repeated with emphasis, "so we do not have to keep these eight nin on the payroll for such a ridiculous endeavor."

"You could just stop paying them."

Ebisu stood up taller so he could look even further down his nose, if that was possible, in a look that said he very much viewed Jiraiya in that moment as a wayward child. "If we stopped paying them they would stop working," he explained mildly, making sure to speak slowly. "If they stopped working our citizens would once again be in danger from your," he paused, eying Jiraiya a moment before opting for, "activities."

"And the problem with that would be?"

Ebisu spluttered as if uncomprehending that any one man could be so thoroughly illogical. "The-the reputation of the village! The understanding that we, as the shinobi of this country, fight to promote peace and protect our own, at the very least. How could we, in good conscience, expose them to such…such…"

"Activities?" Jiraiya helpfully supplied.

"Unwanted attentions," Ebisu countered with a dark look. "Plus the hokage is already coming under heat about why she has allowed you such free reign for so long, about whether her judgment is clouded because of her relationship with you," Jiraiya perked up at the word relationship, "you being old teammates and all," and was down again.

"Why don't they just put a tail on me then?" he asked, playing with his sake cup.

He swore he heard the man mutter something about a tail showing just what the ass he was, but when he bent a sharp glance on him he appeared placid, fully in control of himself, and completely unruffled. Jiraiya just huffed. Wouldn't be the first or the last time.

"As I am sure you are fully aware," the younger man continued, his gaze now shrewd, "every nin we have sent on that task has mysteriously wound up in the hospital, on the other side of the country after going on a wild goose chase, or at home with suddenly no memory of how he or she arrived there."

"Hm," said Jiraiya noncommittally, "interesting."

"Just so."

Jiraiya sat back and smiled indulgently at him. "So you're saying you'd be willing to take me on my word that I'd stay away from any of the women's bath houses?"

"I expressed the same concerns to the hokage."

Jiraiya glared. It was one thing for him to jokingly vilify himself, and entirely another for this young, stuck-up, self-important, strutting excuse of a man to question his character in front of Tsunade.

Flustered, Ebisu continued. "She assured me she would trust such a statement if – and only if - you completely understood the ramifications you face by breaking your word."

Setting his cup down Jiraiya sat forward, interest piqued. "And just what does she have in store for me, eh? Is she planning on some nefarious punishment she'll carry out against me herself?

The hope in his voice obviously carried to Ebisu, as the man choked, coughed, and looked everywhere but directly at him. That reaction was all the old author needed.

"She is!" he whooped, cackling loudly. He'd keep in his current behavior for no other reason than that alone, and his mind wandered to dark, hazy places while contemplating just what 'punishments' she would dole out.

Ebisu's stern voice interrupted his musings. "Tsu-that is, the hokage, also wanted me to make it clear that she is perfectly aware of which types of punishment you enjoy." The man was positively bright red now, his face nearly shining in its brilliance. The old sannin wondered at his never having learned to control such a reaction – after all, it was important for a shinobi to learn to at least outwardly show impassivity when conveying messages or conducting missions – but he also wondered how any man could stand to have so much blood flow diverted to the wrong head.

Still, if Tsunade truly had such knowledge then that certainly put their interactions – mainly her punching him through any nearby available solid surfaces – in an entirely new light. He rubbed his swollen cheek again, smiling.

Ebisu cleared his throat to regain Jiraiya's attention, and while he did look more in control of himself he still resembled a cherry tomato. "The hokage wants me to impress upon you with utmost clarity that since she does know what you do enjoy, that should you repeat these infractions she will take care to make certain that whichever punishment she deems appropriate for this crime will be far from enjoyable for you."

"And just what could she do?" he scoffed, but inside he was quaking. Surely if anyone knew him well enough to know such weaknesses, if anyone could find such a method of punishment that would truly not allow him even the minutest of pleasure, Tsunade would.

To his surprise, Ebisu answered what was supposed to be a rhetorical question. "She had mentioned that one possibility was, ah," his blush flared up again with a vengeance and his eyes were riveted on the sake glass, "um, completely sensory deprivation."

Jiraiya wilted. While the deprivation of some senses would cause the others to heighten – and of course scenarios for each of those ran through his head, of Tsunade touching him when he couldn't feel it but could see it, of her voice shouting recriminations at him, her voice a siren song in his ears even as his body was dead to feeling – total blackout would drive him mad and she knew it.

While his mind would still function, could wander and create as many intriguing scenarios as he wished to stave off boredom, they both knew he would be consumed with wondering what was going on, whether she had left him entirely alone, dressed him up and taken humiliating pictures of him – not like he didn't have enough of those hanging around anyhow though – allowed others to see him in his fallen state as proof of her power and an example of why not to cross the hokage, or worst of all, if she touched him while he was unaware of it, leading all his unfulfilled dreams to a frustrating ending he'd never even know had happened. He wouldn't put it past her to do it, not if she was really angry, and that's how Jiraiya finally realized she truly was seriously about the whole business.

Besides, she was probably still thinking up more tortures for him – if she hadn't compiled a list already – and he wanted to get her off that track of thinking before she had many more to use against him in the future, so he'd give her the answer she wanted, and as quickly as possible.

"All right, all right," he sighed, pretending not to notice Ebisu's frown of utter confusion which soon enough morphed into a smirk of smug satisfaction as Jiraiya continued. "I'll stay away from the bath houses; you can call off your watch dogs."

All parties involved knew there was no chance of that vow sticking permanently, but a temporary reprieve would still be well worth it.

"Very well." Ebisu nodded and gave a short bow. "I'm sure the hokage will be most pleased to hear of your cooperation."

"Yeah, yeah, sure," mumbled the sannin, feeling suddenly mutinous, but the other man paid him no mind.

"Good day then." And, smiling with his accomplishment, Ebisu disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving Jiraiya coughing and staring thoughtfully at the spot he'd just occupied. He'd never bothered to learn that jutsu – most shinobi didn't as it expelled an inordinate amount of chakra, was often showy – which was bad out on the mission field – took tremendous concentration to make sure to reappear in the right spot, and was just generally considered lazy for a shinobi since walking was obviously much more beneficial for the health. Even given the dangers of his particularly favorite hobbies – specifically, the dangers of being caught out by righteously indignant women and enraged husbands – he found running really kept him in great shape, especially considering he spent most of his time anymore writing.

He mused on it a bit. It could certainly bear some looking into. And, given the 'lazy' nature of it, he knew just who to ask next time he came across him.

After all, Kakashi was a fan. He wouldn't be too bothered by the implications.

For now, though, he had to figure out what he was going to do next. He'd been cornered well enough; he had to keep his word or face Tsunade's true wrath, which was a very frightening thing indeed. Still, he was in the midst of writing a new novel – his best work yet, and an instant classic, if he did say so himself – and he needed constant sources of inspiration or his well would dry up. So where was he supposed to dredge up subjects for his research now, what with his best outlet snatched away from him?

He sat a while, contemplating his dilemma while sipping at his sake. The drink always tended to help his mental preparations and inspirations, and so it was that it came to him in a sudden clap of thunder, a spark of enlightenment. Well, not that precisely, but loud, irritated voices were similar enough in tone and volume for him to confuse them in his stupor, and he came back to his senses just in time to see two bickering women strolling past.

Hurriedly he scanned his finicky memory for their identities. He knew most every woman in Konoha by sight, but recognizing them while clothed was another matter.

"Ah," he said aloud, snapping his fingers. The pink-haired one was Tsunade's old apprentice – the one who'd stuck around as she had the tenacity and stubbornness to not only deal with having a boss like his old teammate, handling her dangerous tempers and mood swings, but she doled it right back out.

And if she had the temperament of his hime...

He eyed the girl she was fighting with: blonde, tall, mouthy, and with a much larger chest. While no one could match up to Tsunade in that arena, she was still very similar in appearance.

Jiraiya stroked his chin, his grin stretching from ear to ear. One with the physique and one with the attitude? Oh yes, this had the potential of working out quite well. He'd just found the solution to his little research problem.

* * *

After writing out one scroll of greeting and proposing his offer, Jiraiya carefully copied the contents in their entirety to another scroll. After all, the words and phrases he'd put together had been pure poetry, a work of genius, and it would be a waste to not allow them be seen by more than one viewer. It was a work he could not duplicate, and he'd hate to feel like he'd favored the one who received the first letter over the other. They were both beautiful women, after all, and both deserved the best.

Then, biting down on his thumb, he called one of his toads, smiling happily at the summon. "Ah, Kiro. Deliver these for me, will ya?"

Kiro slumped; he'd been hoping to actually have some action this time, not just help Jiraiya out in whatever new hair-brained scheme he'd thought up. Still, they were always fun to see pulled off…or fall to pieces.

"Where to?" he croaked.

"Names are addressed on them," he explained, nodding at the scrolls. After figuring out who the pink-haired woman was, and knowing the blonde was her friend of sorts, he'd finally been able to remember their names by wracking his brain, cataloguing and recognizing them by their…assets. "You should be able to figure out the rest from there."

"Roger." Picking up the scrolls he'd just prepared to hop off when he heard a pop behind him, signaling the arrival of another summon. Spinning on his foot he was surprised by what he saw. "Grandpa?!"

The small, elder toad ignored him, all his attention bent on Jiraiya. "What's going on?" he demanded with no preamble.

"Good to see you too," Jiraiya muttered. He waved Kiro away with a flick of the hand behind his back, and the toad took off. His curiosity overrode his concern about Jiraiya's timeline, though, and as soon as he was far enough to be out of sight he ducked off the path, peeking out from behind some bushes to see what was going on.

"Jiraiya…" Fukasaku affected his best stern look, which was sabotaged by the worry leaking in to his expression. "This is the fourth time this week you've needed one of my kids. Is there a battle going on? Or is there some new plot afoot?"

"The plot? Oh, I didn't know you were interested. Well, Junko meets new enemies in the form of two young, aggressive kunoichi-"

"What?! You're telling me you've been summoning my kin, wasting our time for your research? _Again_?!"

Jiraiya didn't get a single word out before Fukasaku was smacking him over the head, the sight making Kiro snicker as the elder toad had to jump a goodly way in order to even reach that high on the sannin. He didn't think he'd ever seen anything quite so funny as Jiraiya simply standing there, doing nothing to defend himself save covering his head and face with his arms, as Fukasaku continued to batter at him. Too bad for him Fukasaku seemed to have just realized that left his shins – at the perfect striking height – completely exposed, and soon Jiraiya was hopping around in front of the stall he'd just been sitting at.

Seeing as he was losing the battle to keep his laughter contained, Kiro hurriedly made off further into the village, not wanting to get caught up in the fallout. Besides, the sooner he dropped off the scrolls the sooner he could go back home and tell everyone exactly what he'd just seen.

He grinned at the thought and, not paying close enough attention to where he was going, ran smack dab into a set of legs. "Oh, s-sorry," he stuttered, juggling the scrolls to keep his hold on them.

"No problem, Kiro."

The toad's head snapped up. "Naruto?" His laughter broke free. "Well imagine that."

Naruto grinned. "What you laughing about?"

Oh, this was just too good. He was getting to tell his story before even doing his delivery! He leaned close and whispered conspiratorially, "Fukasaku is giving Jiraiya a whipping for still using us to do his errands and help him in his research."

Naruto blushed instantly while chuckling nervously, scratching the back of his head, and Kiro knew that he must do the same on occasion. "So what did Jiraiya call you for?" Naruto asked quickly, trying to divert the attention away from himself.

Kiro shrugged – well, as much as a toad can. "Same kind of trick he usually does. I'm delivering letters to a couple women he wants to do some more, er, personal research with."

"Ah ha, he's such a pervert," Naruto laughed with affection. Then his gaze turned interested. "So, who's he aiming for this time?"

"Erm," Kiro shuffled the scrolls, turning them to face the right way and focusing hard on the characters. He wasn't too good with his reading so it took him a moment, but it was with a proud face he turned to Naruto and announced, "Sakura and Ino."

"What?!" he shouted, face alit with horror.

"What?" Kiro repeated, afraid he'd done something wrong.

"But they're…I mean, she's my…but he's so old…and she's my…argh!"

Kiro took a cautious step away. "Well, as much as I'd love to stay and chat I really must be moving on. Mission to carry out and all that. Um, talk to you later, Naruto!" And with that he hopped away to find his quarry.

Naruto stood petrified a moment, speechless. How could Jiraiya go after his friend like that? Didn't he even realize who she was? Then, after thinking about it a moment, he realized his old sensei probably didn't, otherwise he knew – well, _hoped_ – that he wouldn't go after her like this. The man, for all his other talents, didn't seem too capable of keeping his women straight.

Still, he didn't know what to do. Sakura was his friend, his teammate, but Jiraiya was his mentor, the man who'd brought him into adulthood, and he didn't know that he could sweep his legs out from under him by telling Sakura anything. He didn't know if such tactics would do anything anyhow; Sakura would already be getting the letter and would know what Jiraiya was up to, so was there anything else he could do?

Then a spark of hope came to him: Shikamaru! He could ask him! He was dating Ino, after all, so he'd be interested to know what Jiraiya was up to and he'd be sure to have an idea about what he should do.

"Yosh!" With an excited cry he launched himself down the road, trying to figure out where to search first. There were the training grounds – he knew the genius had a few places thereabouts he liked to relax – or the jounin lounge, but when he checked those Shikamaru was nowhere to be found. He wandered a little while, scouring his mind for any other secluded places he liked to use – he knew almost all of them by now.

After Jiraiya's death, when Shikamaru had come to comfort him and kick him back into gear, they had formed a sort of bond that had evolved into a lasting friendship. He still felt guilty though, that while Nagato had decided to include his mentor in those he brought back to life, he'd failed to do the same for Asuma, despite his death also being the directly caused of the Akatsuki. So when Jiraiya had come ambling into town almost a full month after his death things had been…strained between he and Shikamaru until the other had figured out what Naruto's problem was. Then he'd smacked him for being so troublesome and told him to stop worrying about things he couldn't do anything about.

After that, with a good deal of crying and blubbering on Naruto's end, he'd accepted Shikamaru at his word and had started dogging at his steps so often he wondered the lackadaisical man didn't use his catchphrase in describing him more often that he did. Then again, he _was_ dating Ino after all, so his tolerance had to be much higher than he pretended it was.

So while Naruto did know most of the places Shikamaru went to hide, he couldn't find hide nor hair of him now so he decided to just go to the Nara house and wait for him to return. Of course, as was his luck, as soon as he stepped up on the front step he caught sight of him in one shadowy corner of the porch hunched over a shougi board.

"Have you been here all day?!" he shouted, irritated. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

Shikamaru looked up slowly, as if loathe to be dragged away from his game. "I've been here most of the day. Didn't you even think to check my house?"

"Well, I…" Naruto's face heated and he turned to Shikamaru's opponent, as if searching for a way out.

"Yo," said a deep voice as a familiar face – well, mask – turned toward him.

"Kakashi? What are you doing here?"

"I'm doing my laundry," he said dryly.

"Wh-what? Your laundry? Why would you do that here? I don't see anything hanging up."

"Naruto, I was joking," he explained with a chuckle. He was always amused by how Naruto took him so seriously and wondered how he survived being around Jiraiya all the time. Kid had to be confused half the time. "I just came to play some shougi with Shikamaru here. Keeps me sharp."

"Oh, yeah, of course," replied Naruto, grinning sheepishly.

"Anyhow," Shikamaru interrupted, clearly impatient to get back to his game, "did you need something?"

"Oh yeah! I need your advice on something. Jiraiya sent letters to Sakura and Ino asking them to be his research subjects, or something like that. I don't know exactly what he said but I'm sure it had to be pretty pervy."

"And…?"

"And? _And_?! My old teacher is making moves on my teammate and your _girlfriend_. We've got to do something!"

To his consternation and outright astonishment Shikamaru shrugged. "What is there to do? The girls will do what they want to do. What are you so worried about?"

"It's _Jiraiya_, the world's largest pervert. He's good with words and with getting people to do whatever he wants, regardless of what _they_ originally wanted. And they're our friends!"

"Yes, and they're pretty smart too. If Ino wants to play around with him there's hardly anything I can do to prevent it, and she's honest enough that she'll tell me up front so I have no worries of being blind-sided. If she wants no part of it nothing Jiraiya does or says will be able to convince her otherwise. That's one of the perks, the very few perks, of having a stubborn girl. I'm sure Sakura's just the same – the only ones that can out-stubborn those girls are each other. Besides, Sakura's not even seeing anyone so maybe she'd like a little bit of attention."

Naruto swore he'd just seen Kakashi stiffen, but then again Shikamaru had just made a good move – or at least he assumed it was a good mood as he'd never bothered to learn that particular game – so he paid it no mind.

"But…but…"

"I'll check in on Sakura to make sure she's all right."

Naruto's face lit up. "You really will, Kakashi-sensei, really? That's great! If anyone will be able to protect her from the pervert you will."

Kakashi lifted his gaze. "I don't think Sakura would be very happy to hear you think she needs any sort of protection."

Naruto snorted. "You know what I mean. This is _Jiraiya_! He's something else entirely."

"Yes," Kakashi mused, "it _is_ Jiraiya."

* * *

Sakura was marching out of her door, hands clenched around a scrap of parchment like she was trying to restrain herself from punching something, when Ino found her. She'd sought out her friend to show her the letter she'd gotten from Jiraiya, figuring she could use a laugh, but obviously that wasn't what the occasion called for.

"What's your problem?" she asked bluntly.

Sakura was fuming and had to take some deep, calming breaths before she was able to reply. "_This_," she nearly spat, thrusting the torn up scroll into Ino's hand. "That, that pervert!" She was shaking so badly it took her a moment to realize that, no, she wasn't imagining the feline-grin Ino was now sporting. "What, you think this is funny?!"

"Hilarious, actually." Before Sakura could say another word she pushed her own letter at her friend. As Sakura read the letter, mouth gaping and moving wordlessly, Ino smirked. "It would seem our secret admirer isn't quite as faithful as one would hope, and certainly unimaginative if he couldn't even create unique letters for us." She snorted at the thought. She was, self-admittedly, a very high-maintenance lady, and duplicate flattery just wouldn't cut it for her. "But can you believe the gall? If he was going to go after us he could at least do it in a more elegant fashion, especially coming from a man who writes for a living."

"That's just it," Sakura said in disgust. "He just wants to use us for his stories." She glared at Ino when that actually seemed to make the blonde more intrigued. "You really want to be slavered all over by some old man with grasping hands, just so he can make you a one-dimensional character in a smutty book to be slavered over by more old men? Or guys like Naruto and Ebisu?"

They both shuddered.

"Besides, you're taken. Aren't you the least bit offended that Jiraiya thinks you're the type of person who'd cheat on Shikamaru?"

Ino's gaze suddenly shifted, a sharp glance directed squarely at Sakura. "Yes, that is the biggest issue now, isn't it? So tell me, then, why is it that you're so outraged and offended? I thought you'd find this as funny as I did."

Sakura flushed. "Pffft, what? Naw, I mean, well, he's my shishou's old teammate. That just feels kinda weird, you know?"

Ino just continued to stare at her, and when her gaze turned suddenly gleeful Sakura could tell she was in trouble. "I knew it! All the rumors are true! You _are_ seeing someone secretly. And you didn't even tell your best friend," she accused.

"What are you talking about, pig?" Sakura laughed. "Where do you even hear these things?"

"Oh, around." She tossed her hair flippantly. "And you're not answering my question."

"What question – about whether I'm dating someone, and in _secret_ no less? Why on earth would I do that. You're always harassing me about having someone so wouldn't I want to let you know first to get you off my back?"

Ino's eyes narrowed. The logic was somewhat sound but something still didn't feel right about it. "Maybe it's someone you don't want me to know about."

Sakura froze up inside, stunned by her friend's astuteness. She couldn't possibly know, could she? She and Kakashi had only been seeing each other for a few weeks, and this new angle on their relationship was still so new and tentative that they really didn't want any outside input until they themselves found their feet. They knew that when people did find out they'd probably have a field day with it. Most of the villagers – and a couple of their friends in particular – loved some good gossip. So really, was it so much to ask to be left to their own devices for a little while?

She heaved a put-upon sigh. "And maybe you should stop listening to the gossip mills."

"Why? They always have the good information first." Her eyes were on Sakura again, and she could feel them boring into her. "You _are_ hiding something, aren't you? I can tell! Don't make me bust my way into your head."

Sakura crossed her arms and glared. "You just try it. Remember what happened last time you attempted that? Didn't end so well for you, did it?"

They faced off, staring each other down, and Sakura was surprised when Ino was the first to look away, dropping her arms with a huff. "Sakura, you know I just want you to be happy, right?"

Sakura had to look away briefly, feeling just a smidgen of guilt. Still, she smiled, touched by the sentiment. "Yeah, I know. I promise as soon as there's something to tell I'll tell you."

"So there is something! Ha!" Ino declared, finger pointed in her face.

Sakura pushed it away, the letter still crumpled in Ino's hand heightening her irritation. "Whatever, pig. There's something else I need to deal with right now." So saying she stomped her way down the hall, cracking her knuckles with relish.

"Hold on, idiot," Ino called, catching up and grabbing Sakura by the shoulder. "What are you going to do, try to punch him?"

She quailed momentarily. That's exactly what she'd planned on doing.

Ino rolled her eyes. "He's a sannin, dummy. For all his moral failings and silly fripperies, he's still one of the strongest shinobi in the village. Somehow I doubt he'll stand still and let you hit him." After considering a moment, she added, "Well, maybe he would, but I doubt it would be for any reason you'd appreciate."

Sakura wrinkled her nose.

"Exactly."

"Not like he'd have to stand still for me to land a punch though," she muttered. "I might not be up to his level but that doesn't mean I'd be a total throwaway."

"Of course not," Ino consoled, trying to redirect Sakura back to her apartment.

The medic stopped in her tracks. "Are you just humoring me?" she asked, her eyes deadly.

"Of course not," Ino repeated, a tinge of humor to her voice, "but why waste your time when there are much better ways to go about teaching him a lesson for attempting such fine women as ourselves?"

Sakura's posture loosened but she didn't start walking. "I'm listening."

"Simple. We accept his offer."

"What?!" Luckily Ino was used to that high-pitched tone of outrage, otherwise she might have had to cover her ears.

"You're not listening, forehead. I'm saying we _pretend_ to accept and turn it right back on him, playing him at his own game. We'll make him sorry he ever caught sight of us."

Sakura stared blankly a few seconds before her mouth broke into a huge grin. "You're brilliant, you know that?"

"I've been told so on occasion." Ino winked. "So, are we going to go back to your apartment and start planning or what?"

Sakura rubbed her hands with glee. This was going to be good.

* * *

Part one of my adaptation of Shakespeare's 'The Merry Wives of Windsor' into the Naruto-verse. Written for the KakaSaku FC. Thanks to SammyQuill for letting me bounce a couple ideas off her. Also please pardon my errors (or at least point them out for me to fix, haha) as this is unedited.


	2. Part II

**The Merry Women of Konoha**

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Part II

* * *

Kakashi found Jiraiya sitting in a corner booth of one of the shadier pubs in town, which he thought slightly odd since the man tended to avoid any place that wouldn't afford him a good view of any number of women. A quick cursory glance confirmed that the only female in the whole bar – actually the only other person in the bar, period – was the proprietress behind the counter, and from her wrinkled face, sour disposition, and lack of teeth, Kakashi assumed Jiraiya wasn't there for the company.

"Yo," he said in customary greeting, sitting down and pouring himself a cup of sake from one of the many bottles littering the table. "What are you doing in a dingy little place like this?" He slid a glance toward the proprietress to make sure she hadn't overheard his comment. Even if she had, though, he doubted it would matter. Running a place like this tended to attract a certain type of crowd, and they weren't typically the variety to care about propriety. "Escaping some trouble?" When Jiraiya didn't respond to the obviously vague question he hazarded a guess. "The bath house owners after you again?"

Jiraiya chuckled while stowing his notebook. He never had quite figured out how they always knew he was there – what with his transparency jutsu – but he supposed many nin owed their lives to just that type of sixth sense so he couldn't be too cross about it. "Not quite, but close enough. Tsunade seems to have become fed up with the amount of complaints lodged against me. Complaints! Imagine that – especially when it's all for the sake of my art." He tsked, shaking his head ruefully. "You'd think they would have learned to appreciate me more, coming back from the dead and all."

"Well, that was almost ten years ago," Kakashi commented dryly.

Jiraiya huffed. "Yes, well, you know what I mean."

"Yes, I do." Kakashi's amusement leaked into his voice and Jiraiya did a double-take before laughing and clapping him on the back.

"Sorry my boy, I forgot. Of course you'd understand – much the same boat the two of us are in."

"Quite," Kakashi agreed, though he was sure the older man had no idea just how many things – namely, one pink-haired kunoichi – they had in common.

"Now, what can I do for you? Surely you sought me out for some purpose other than just to keep me company."

With forced casualness, Kakashi said, "Just wondering how the new book is going. It's been a while since the last one came out." He took a deep swig of his drink to hide the impatience with which he was waiting for the answer.

"Not as well as I'd hoped. I'm locked out of inspiration since my normal modes of research are no longer…accessible to me."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Limitation jutsu?"

"Worse," he groaned. "Facing Tsunade's wrath – and not the good kind. Apparently if I'm found lurking around there anymore she'll do things – well, things I'd rather not imagine."

Kakashi very carefully made his mind as blank as he could. He too would prefer not to imagine what those two got up to behind closed doors. "You must be looking for new sources then?"

"Not looking for, _found_," he responded enthusiastically, with a leer that made Kakashi decidedly uncomfortable. He had an idea he wasn't going to like what came next.

"I sent letters off to two young kunoichi, expressing my interest to become more personally acquainted." He punctuated this remark by waggling his eyebrows. "I just got scrolls back from both of them and have a rendezvous with one of them later today."

Kakashi worked to control his breathing lest his tension show. He'd considered just coming clean to Jiraiya, knowing the sannin would back off immediately if he discovered someone he was friendly with was attached to Sakura. After all, Ino was known for sometimes playing fast and loose, and poaching on a stranger's girl was different than going after a friend's.

No, he didn't worry about Jiraiya's reaction, he worried about Sakura's. Jiraiya was a well-known author and well schooled in the ways of the world. For all the confidence Kakashi had in his prowess, he was sure there were things Sakura could learn from the old master that she wouldn't be able to get from him, and judging by her positive response to Jiraiya's request he knew her curiosity had been piqued.

Now he just had to discover how far said interest would take her.

He knew she was forthright enough, just as Shikamaru had claimed earlier, that if she did carry on with the old man that she'd tell him clear enough and break things off with him. Plus their relationship was fledgling enough that she probably wouldn't feel too bad about it, but that wasn't good enough for him.

He didn't want her to find another man, damn it! He didn't want to let her go. Besides, he'd spent three long years waiting for her to come to the realization that she was really in love with him – three years of dropping hints he thought were subtle but everyone else, Sakura included, had apparently thought non-existent. He wasn't about to let all that hard work go to waste.

So, for now at least, he'd decided to play along and see just where these events took them.

"Where are you meeting her?" Kakashi was proud his years of training meant his voice was completely even instead of strangled.

"The basement of the hospital. Kinky, don't you think?"

"Hm," Kakashi hummed noncommittally.

"Well then, why don't you help me celebrate my victory. Barkeep!" he bellowed and the woman bent him a dour look. "Another bottle!"

They finished it off quickly and it wasn't too long before Jiraiya took his leave. "Can't be late, you know."

"No, of course not. Wouldn't want that."

Jiraiya strolled toward the door, a confident swagger in his step, when suddenly he snapped his fingers and turned on his heel. "Oh yeah, Kakashi, I wanted to ask you about…"

He trailed off as all he was facing was the residual smoke signaling Kakashi's departure. Jiraiya chuckled. "Well, that exact thing, actually. Ah well, another time."

Then, whistling, he made his way leisurely to the hospital.

* * *

"For the hundredth time, Ino, I've got it. Are you sure _you_ have the timing right?"

"Yes, yes. I wait until Jiraiya's been in here about fifteen minutes – enough time for him to bury you under the weight of his ridiculous flattery – then I rush in to warn you that Shizune's coming to find you."

"All right, perfect."

"What if he starts coming on too strong or putting the moves on you earlier than we expect? You going to be okay or do you want me to interrupt earlier?"

Sakura snorted. "I know you don't work inside the hospital that much, so let me just assure you that after years of dealing with grabby patients I'll be fine. Nothing Jiraiya throws out will be able to faze me."

"I'm more worried you'll lose your temper and blow the plan."

Sakura nodded, acknowledging that Ino's concern was a valid one. "Yes, but every time my fists clench I'll simply imagine the just rewards he'll receive at the end of all this and that will calm me right down."

"Okay then. Go get 'em, tiger!" Winking, she patted Sakura on the shoulder before heading to a hidden alcove just outside the door, where she'd be able to hear everything.

That was one of the best benefits of doing this in the hospital. There were always so many people mingled about and so many different experiments being conducted at any one time that it tended to saturate the air with chakra and make it murky, making it much easier for Ino to blend in undetected.

Back in the room Sakura eyed her surroundings, from the bare, patched walls, to the piles of laundry lying about, but she most carefully scrutinized the two enormous trash bins in front of her. Those were the main reason they'd chosen this room as a meeting location, but there were many other benefits as well.

First, being on the receiving end of all the garbage and laundry chutes tended to ensure that people avoided it as much as possible. Typically the only time anyone came down there was when they were assigned one of the duties.

Second, one of said duties had fallen to Sakura today. At first she hadn't been on the rosters assigned to trash duty, a fact some people had allotted to favoritism for having been the hokage's apprentice. Really though it was just because Tsunade always kept her so busy running around with extra tasks she didn't have time for anything else. Still, Sakura hadn't wanted any dissention over such a trivial thing so she'd added herself on. Besides, it just made more sense for her to do it. The bins were so large that each needed two, sometimes three people to help carry them, and with her extraordinary strength, Sakura could manage them by herself.

Truth be told, though, she didn't really mind. Despite the smell, on days that it was especially hectic in the hospital she appreciated the brief respite and getting to walk under the sun instead of the interminable fluorescent lights was always a plus. And simply because their size made them more odious to all the other staff, she got away with not putting herself on the lists for laundry or hazardous materials.

Today she'd made sure the overlarge bins weren't stuffed to capacity but instead had room for just one large-egoed man to fit inside.

Sakura smiled at the thought of their plan and turned just in time to see Jiraiya coming in through the door.

"Ah, my cherry blossom."

She fought to keep from rolling her eyes. _Haven't heard that one before_.

"Hm." Jiraiya tapped his chin. "No, no, much too common. Rather, I'd liken you to a spring breeze that brings a hint of things new to all around it, that speaks of life and love and the blossoming of new creation. A face that reflects in the brilliance of the sun as the morning awakes to the glories that come on its breath."

Sakura was taken aback. She'd had no idea he could actually be so poetic – at least not without innuendo laced throughout. If he wrote a book in that style she'd actually buy it and read it.

"And of course," he continued, "blows hard enough to ruffle the feathers of any man."

…And then he ruined it. She swore she saw his fingers twitch toward his shirt, as if he longed to put ink to what he'd just spouted, and she took vindictive pleasure in the fact he wouldn't be able to twist that particular piece of word art around.

I wonder," he implored, "if I might be able to attempt a sketch to capture the essence of that breezy quality about yourself. Of course, it would never be able to truly capture your beauty, but all a man can do is try."

Sakura was having to work hard in order to restrain herself from asking if this proposed sketch of his would be with or without clothes, but luckily it was at that moment that Ino burst in.

At first Jiraiya froze, but when he saw who it was his expression turned sly.

_Why of all the-! He thinks he can get both of us to pose for him at the same time!_

Ino's first words quashed that aspiration though. "Sakura, what have you been up to, aren't you done yet? Shizune's looking for you – she has some other tasks for you to do."

"Shizune?" Jiraiya asked, and Sakura swore his voice had just pitched an octave higher. Of course, he wouldn't want Shizune to find out about his assignation with her, because the brunette would be sure to tell Tsunade. It suddenly made her wonder why he'd chosen such dangerous targets to begin with.

"What do we do?" Sakura tried to look distraught, but a quick look from Ino told her she was overacting and she downplayed a bit. Luckily Jiraiya was too anxious to have noticed.

"We have to hide you. If I get caught Shizune will ream me out for fraternizing when I'm supposed to be working."

"My transparency jutsu…" He started making the hand signals but Sakura forestalled him with a hand on his forearm.

"I think the reason you get caught out when using that jutsu is because you're trying to suppress both your chakra and your physical presence."

"How do you know about that technique?" he asked, startled.

She made an irritated, impatient noise. "Naruto tries it all the time."

Suddenly his memory clicked into place. He couldn't believe this was Naruto's teammate. He felt a split second of guilt before he realized that was ridiculous. If Naruto was dating her, sure, but he wasn't with anybody as far as he knew. He'd just have to make sure to leave things nicely with her once they were finished.

"You have another idea then?" he asked.

She nodded. "Only focus on suppressing your chakra – I'm sure you're more than proficient at that."

It was a high level technique but a vital one, and something that any ANBU applicant had to master before being admitted to their ranks. That was the main reason Naruto hadn't achieved ANBU status yet – he hadn't completely mastered the technique. For all his accomplishments, though, Sakura was sure such a jutsu would be a breeze for Jiraiya.

"The physical is easier – you can just hide in there." She pointed over her shoulder at one of the garbage bins.

Jiraiya's eyes widened in horror. "You must be kidding me. I've had to hide in some unusual places in my lifetime, but that-" He cut off as they heard footsteps in the hallway, Shizune's voice unmistakable.

Sakura shot Ino a sharp glance, but the blonde shook her head; she'd had nothing to do with Shizune actually showing up. When she turned back to Jiraiya he was already climbing into the trash bin, piling refuse on top of himself for a more complete cover, and not a moment too soon. Shizune walked through the door, followed closely by Kakashi. Sakura's heart skipped a beat.

Shizune looked confused. "Sakura, didn't you come down here some time ago? Why aren't either of the bins emptied yet? And Ino, why are you down here?"

Sakura was at a loss for what to do; her lies were almost always so transparent. Luckily, Ino came to the rescue. "I-I'm sorry Shizune, it's my fault. I had a fight with Shikamaru and needed someone to talk to."

Sakura darted a quick glance at Kakashi. He was looking right at her and she hastily slid her eyes away, not daring to meet his gaze.

Shizune was quiet a moment, obviously torn between sympathy and duty. "You'll just heed to help her with her job then. Tsunade wants the newest results on Sakura's research _now_."

Sakura grasped at the opportunity to get out of there quickly. "Come on, Ino. Let's get these dumped before I get in even more trouble." She had no doubt Tsunade was already going to be angry by the time she got there.

"Now, now Sakura, why don't you let me help you with those?" Sakura looked up at Kakashi suspiciously. He never helped when it wasn't absolutely required. Her distrust heightened when he actually had the gall to smile at her. Now she knew something was wrong.

"Why would you want to do something like that?"

He shrugged. "Can't I just help out a teammate in need? Wouldn't want Tsunade coming down too hard on you simply for helping out a friend." The look he bent on Ino made it clear to Sakura that he'd seen through her lie. _Of course! He was supposed to be playing shougi with Shikamaru recently – if the two of them had really had a fight he'd probably be complaining even more than usual about how much of a pain women are!_ She wondered why he hadn't called them out, but – despite their relationship being new, they'd been teammates for years – and they trusted each other enough to play along and find out the truth later. Still, she couldn't quite pinpoint it, but something just seemed…off.

"Where do they need to go?" Kakashi asked.

"The landfill."

"That far, eh?" he scratched his chin. "No problem." Then he gave the trash bin such a look that Sakura's breath caught in her throat. _He knows!_ She didn't know how he knew, or even if he knew who was in there or why, but he knew something was up and someone was hiding in there. Then he gave her a look so bland and flat that it got her back up. The jerk knew it was Jiraiya – again, she didn't know how he knew, but there was no denying it now. And he suspected her of being complicit with him.

She stuck her nose in the air, utterly offended. "Fine, you do it then, see if I care."

Kakashi was stunned at Sakura's abrupt attitude change but now wasn't the time to dwell on it. He had to concentrate for what he was about to do, and he knew he was going to enjoy it far too much. Without a word he walked up to the container wherein Jiraiya hid, placed a hand on one of its handles, raised his other in farewell, and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Only a second later he was back – with a now empty bin – and repeated the stunt with the second one. Then he was back again, the fourth puff of smoke causing all the women to cough in the windowless room. Kakashi smiled; having a mask had so many benefits.

"Too bad Tsunade didn't see that. Then she could make you do that for us every day," Sakura threatened.

"No, no, she has to save this highly valued task for her top medics," he shot back.

Ino looked back and forth between them, wondering at the strange new vibe emanating from between them. "Did I miss something?"

"Nothing," Sakura ground out.

Ino's eyebrows shot up. Well, something had certainly just fouled Sakura's mood. Her eyes narrowed as she looked back at Kakashi. It had been before the medic wisecrack, so had Sakura taken it that somehow he'd thought her incapable of being efficient at something so simple as taking out the trash? Was that why he'd tried to show her up? No, those didn't seem right. This would definitely take some more looking into.

Her thoughts were cut short though when Sakura caught her by the arm and proceeded to drag her from the room. "C'mon Ino, you can help me gather my research data together."

"All right."

As the two disappeared around the corner, all was quiet until their footsteps could no longer be heard.

"So, were you right?" Shizune asked.

"Sure was."

Shizune huffed irritably. "I can't believe Jiraiya would sneak into the hospital, right under our noses, to harass our staff. Does the man have no scruples at all? I mean, sure he's not allowed near the bath houses anymore, but does that mean he has to scrounge around our work place? There are boundaries."

Kakashi didn't say anything, just nodded along to her rant, seemingly happy to have been of help.

"Why on earth would they help hide him though?"

He made an odd gesture, something between a one-armed shrug and a full-body sigh. "Maybe they felt sorry for him. Maybe they didn't want Tsunade getting wind and creating a scene. Maybe they didn't know he was there. Hard to say for sure. I'm guessing he'll be much more careful about coming onto these premises from now on though." He said the last with so much conviction it made Shizune wonder.

"What did you do to him?"

"Nothing at all, simply dumped him into the landfill as if I hadn't even noticed him in the trash bins."

Shizune laughed. "Oh, that's just great. I bet he was sure to enjoy that." She nodded to herself. "Yes, I'm sure the smell that soaks into his clothes will be enough to deter him from trying to cozy up in the hospital again."

Still chuckling she made her way to the door. "Thanks for the tip Kakashi. It's good to know you still have an eye out for your teammate, despite being such a fan of Jiraiya's work."

"Never a question of which came first," he assured her. Then following her out, he bid her farewell when the hallway forked, her to go back up to the offices, him to outside. He was exhausted from performing that jutsu so many times within just a few minutes, so he was due for some much needed rest. Pulling out one of his many trusty books, he ambled back to his small apartment, all set to take a well-deserved nap.

* * *

Sakura groaned when she finally got off work at the hospital. Tsunade had had no clue what she was talking about when she'd taken the requested research up to her office, but that hadn't thrown Sakura too much as that tended to happen sometimes when the hokage had taken too many sake shots that day. However, seeing her free, Tsunade had proceeded to throw a whole mountain of tasks at her which had kept her busy well into the evening.

Ino had promised to meet her for dinner when she got off but she'd had to work so late she was sure she'd missed her friend. So it was she was surprised when she passed by Ichiraku on her way home and saw not only Ino (which would have been strange had she been there alone) but Naruto and Hinata as well. Despite her feet's protests – or perhaps because of it – she welcomed the idea of relaxing with her friends after the day she'd had. The long soak she had planned for when she got home could wait.

"Sakura!" Naruto was all exuberance as he got up and barreled into her just as she sat down, Ino rolling her eyes and Hinata chuckling lightly as they looked on.

Sakura pried Naruto off of her and resumed her seat, pushing him back toward his. "What's with you?" she asked, laughing despite herself. "You act like you haven't seen me in weeks. It's only been a couple days."

"Yeah, but you didn't have to spend those last couple days with Sai."

Sakura snickered. "So how's the training going? And no complaining about his comments – you're the one who volunteered for the task, deciding you could also use the time to help socialize him."

"But you don't have to listen to his constant commentary about being dickless."

"I'd hope not," Ino muttered under her breath, and Sakura glared, but Naruto didn't notice, his head having snapped up and he looked hurriedly at Hinata.

"I mean, I'm not – dickless that is – Sai just likes to say that to get a rise out of me – but not like that, no! I mean, I just thought you should know but like you _needed _to know-"

Sakura cut him off with a whack to his head. "Lay off. Hinata's going to pass out from all the blood rushing to her face, so can it already."

Coming back down from his panic he realized that, yes, Hinata was blushing something fierce and he kicked himself for bringing up such a topic. Embarrassed, he buried himself in his ramen, slurping away, when he felt a slender hand cover his.

Hinata's appeared as embarrassed as he was, but she looked him straight in the face as she said, "I didn't think you were." At Naruto's blank look she attempted to extrapolate. "That is, d-d-d-…_that_ thing."

Naruto broke into a wide grin, squeezing her hand in return. "Thanks, and sorry for bringing it up in the first place."

"It's no problem," she assured him.

Sakura watched the scene with no little amount of amusement and pride. Naruto had really grown up. He was still as boisterous as ever, still as bound to look before he leapt, to act first and ask questions later, but being with Hinata had grounded him somewhat.

As if he could hear her thoughts his gaze slid over to hers. "You doing okay?"

The question caught her by surprise. "Well, I had a long day at work so I'm pretty tired. Tsunade foisted a lot of the boring, tedious work off on me, but that's nothing new."

"Baa-chan still running you ragged, heh?"

Sakura shrugged. "Comes with the job. Why do you ask?" While Naruto was a caring friend he wasn't normally _that _concerned.

He ignored her question. "And nothing _unusual_ happened today?"

"Oh, Kakashi stopped by."

"That's not what I mean."

"Just what do you mean then?"

"Did anything…_weird_ happen?"

"Naruto, what are you getting at?"

"Nothing, nothing!" He backed off instantly. "I just wanted to make sure you're all right, that's all."

Sakura sat back, bemused. "Well I am, thanks."

"Okay," he said nervously. "I guess that's that then. Oh, look at the time. I have to go meet up with Sai. Sorry Hinata, I'll catch up with you tomorrow. See you all later!" Then, before any of them could breathe a word of reply, he'd taken off down the road and was just an orange blur.

"What was that all about, I wonder?" Ino asked aloud, echoing what they were all thinking.

"Sure seems fishy to me," Ayame said, popping into their conversation. "He didn't even have his customary three bowls of ramen."

"You're right," Hinata gasped as they all stared at the single bowl Naruto had left behind.

"So Sakura, what'll you have?"

While she and Ayame were busy discussing food choices, Ino leaned in closer to Hinata. "You want to tell me what's bothering _you_?"

"B-bothering? What makes you think something is bothering me?"

"You've been acting odd all through dinner – even more reserved than usual, if that could be believed. So what's going on?"

By this time they had the attention of Sakura and Ayame as well, and Hinata relented under the pressure.

"It's Naruto."

"What's he done?" Sakura said immediately, cracking her knuckles.

"No, nothing! He's wonderful. It's my father; he still doesn't entirely approve of Naruto."

"What? Why?!" Sakura demanded, instantly offended for her friend's sake. "No, wait, don't tell me. It has to do with his snooty expectations of house status and crap like that, right?"

Hinata blushed but nodded.

"I knew it! That's so stupid. Naruto's loyal, a strong shinobi, and everyone knows he's trying for hokage. With as much as Tsunade likes him it's likely to happen too."

"I know. I've tried explaining this but my father doesn't understand. He simply wants someone with a strong bloodline that will enhance our own bloodline limit and make the family stronger."

"So he doesn't even care about your marriage or whether you love each other, it's just all about the genetic balance of your children?"

"I wouldn't say he doesn't care at all, but the family as a whole always has been and always will be first."

Sakura was unable to think of anything else to say so she just sat simmering in anger for a moment. "I still think that's just stupid."

"You already said that," Ino commented dryly.

"Yeah, well you agree," snapped Sakura.

"Of course I do. But Hinata, honey, I'm sure your dad will come around in time. And if he doesn't we'll be here to help you in whatever way we can, right?"

"Right," chorused Sakura and Ayame. The others all turned in unison to stare at the ramen-stall vendor.

"What?" she said defensively. "I'm not allowed to be protective of my best customer?"

"See? I knew eating all that ramen would come in handy one day," Ino joked.

* * *

Jiraiya took his third shower of the day, muttering some of the foulest things he'd ever been able to bring himself to say about a woman. He didn't know whether to blame the girls or Kakashi, but someone had managed to get him dumped into a dump and he did not appreciate it – not to mention what such an aroma did for his chances of getting the attention of any nice ladies at the pub that evening.

He was still grumbling under his breath when the knock came at his door. Expecting it to be the old landlord he yanked the door open, only to realize belatedly that it was not the grumpy face he was expecting, but instead was a young one he knew quite well. "Ayame," he chimed, his demeanor changing instantaneously. "What a pleasant surprise. To what do I owe this honor?"

Ayame smiled beatifically up at him but stayed put when he stepped back and tried to usher her into his home. "I'm on my break so I can't stay long," she said as way of explanation. "I'm just here to deliver a message."

She handed over a scroll and Jiraiya looked upon it with much less relish than he normally would any other message from a young woman.

"Sakura assures me she's very sorry for whatever happened today."

Jiraiya eyed her speculatively. "Did she tell you _what _she's apologizing for?"

"No sir. Just that there was nothing else she could have done at the time. I assume everything else is laid out in the letter there." She tapped the scroll lightly and Jiraiya scrutinized her for any hint of amusement that might give away the fact she had actually learned what happened, but much to his relief he found none.

For her part, Ayame was smiling brilliantly inside. One thing she learned as a stall tender was to put on the necessary face at the necessary time; to sympathize with the sob-story of man who'd deserved what he'd got or to be enthusiastic over the good fortune of someone who didn't deserve it, was something that got a customer to become a repeat customer, something any good bartender would know as well. Since she didn't serve liquor regularly, however, people tended to be less suspicious. Ramen was a comfort food, after all.

She stayed just long enough to ensure Jiraiya opened the scroll and started reading it before she took her leave. The gleam of satisfaction in the sannin's eyes was proof enough to her that he'd fall into their next trap perfectly.

* * *

Kakashi cornered Jiraiya again, this time out on a deserted training field, determined to find out what had happened as a result of his dip in the city's grime. Jiraiya, understandably, was not so pleased to see him.

"You have some nerve, showing back up here boy."

Kakashi played dumb. "Whatever are you talking about?"

"Dumping me in the trash heap like so much refuse, that's what I'm talking about! And sabotaging me, no less."

Kakashi scoffed at him. "You really expect me to believe I could throw you in the trash if you didn't want to be? Besides, what's this about sabotaging? The only thing I knew you were doing was meeting with Sakura in the hospital. When I heard Shizune was searching for her I tried to stall her a bit, but when we arrived you were nowhere to be seen. I simply assumed you'd made your escape."

Jiraiya glanced at him sideways. "And the trash bins?"

He shrugged. "Making myself useful made my presence in the hospital, when I normally avoid them at all costs, a bit less suspicious. Wait a minute…you said you were dumped in the trash. You were in there?"

"You were really unaware?"

"I had no idea. Whatever jutsu you were performing, whether for hiding or disguising, must have been complete as I didn't see through it." Which was true enough, he hadn't been able to sense him at all – he just had enough deductive reasoning to figure the old pervert had been in there anyhow.

The knowledge that his skills hadn't been what failed him was apparently the salve his ego needed and Jiraiya came down from being defensive immediately. "Sorry, but it was not the most pleasant of experiences. I'm used to reveling in the perfumes of the fair gender, not in their waste."

"You don't enjoy their waists?" Kakashi purposefully misinterpreted, getting far too much amusement from poking fun at Jiraiya without his even realizing it. "I always took that as one of their better parts."

"No, Kakashi, waste, _waste_, as in the refuse I was dumped in?" He sighed heavily. "Never mind. As it so happens, the ladies have invited me back, to make up for having slighted me so grievously before."

Kakashi's head snapped up. "I thought they didn't have any culpability in the matter and were merely trying to hide you from discovery?"

Jiraiya waved that aside, though he muttered, "Yes, yes, there is that."

Ah, so he simply wanted to feel like the wronged party in the situation. He was sure they could fix that eventually. "And they invited you back to the hospital, after such a close call?"

"No," he snorted, "that would be stupidity indeed. This time I am invited to their apartment."

"Which one? They don't live together."

"Hm, I'm not sure on that account. Would be so much better if they did." The older man trailed off for a moment and Kakashi had to suppress the urge to hit him upside the head for indulging in fantasies that undoubtedly involved Sakura. "I think the blonde one – Ino. The way Tsunade runs Sakura around I'd be surprised if she doesn't live in the hospital itself." He cracked a smile but was obviously still thinking about it.

At least that gave Kakashi an in though. "When are you supposed to meet them?"

"Tomorrow at noon."

"Perfect." That gave Kakashi plenty of time to plan. Deciding not to seem too anxious to leave, he pulled out his book, lay back in the grass in a patch of shade, and started reading.

Jiraiya, ever curious about his craft, leaned over. "That one's dog-eared. A favorite page of yours?"

Kakashi nodded before flipping a page and Jiraiya sat back, scribbling furiously in his notebook.

"Good-good, good-good. Oh, now that's just brilliant. I am a genius, if I do say so myself. I must be off, have to get this all written before I lose it you know," he said, tapping his temple. See you around, Kakashi." So saying, he bounded into the trees, excitement in his every step.

Kakashi shook his head, chuckling lightly. It was amazing how much master and pupil were alike between those two. If he hadn't known Naruto's father he'd have said he'd somehow inherited his energy and temperament from the old pervert.

Still, Jiraiya's last words of parting floating in Kakashi's head. _You certainly will see me around – much sooner than you expect and when you will appreciate it least._

Heartily cheered by this thought, he leaned back and decided to do some more reading before delving into his planning. The next day should be interesting.


	3. Part III

**The Merry Women of Konoha **

**

* * *

**

Part III

* * *

Sakura paced the floor of her apartment restlessly, waiting impatiently for Ino to arrive. She already had one perpetually tardy person in her life – she really didn't need another. If her friend didn't arrive soon she wouldn't be able to come in for fear of being caught by Jiraiya. While that in itself – his seeing her – wouldn't be that horrible, it would mean they couldn't follow through with their plan.

Finally she heard a knock at the window and scowled as Ino let herself in. "About time," she scolded dourly. "Why are you so late anyhow?"

"I was…busy," Ino said simply, and if Sakura wasn't mistaken, she could've sworn she saw just the lightest dusting of pink across her friends cheeks.

She narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean, _busy_?"

"Oh, come on forehead. I know you haven't had a boyfriend in a while but you should still be able to figure it out."

Sakura flushed. Hearing about Ino's exploits didn't bother her, she almost expected it at this point, but she preferred not to think about Shikamaru in that light – she did have to work with him on a semi-regular basis after all. Thankfully Ino had caught on to that fact and didn't push the details on her. The information of just what had made Ino late, almost compromising their plan in the process, didn't put her in any better of a mood though.

"Much longer and I would've had to go with Plan B," she said snappishly.

Ino raised her eyebrows. "Plan B?"

"Yeah." Sakura demonstrated by thumping her fist into her palm.

Ino rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. I'm sure you could've come up with something a bit more inventive and useful than that, something that _wouldn't _throw the rest of the plan."

"What, besides posing for his sketches?"

The blonde snorted. "We both know you'd have been able to think up something else. Maybe not as brilliant as anything _I'd_ come up with on the fly." She smirked at her friend, tapping her on the forehead. "But we know the reason this is so enormous is simply because it's covering that big brain of yours, so I'm sure you'd have used it eventually."

Sakura was caught between frowning and blushing, and fought not to fidget. "Maybe, but it wouldn't be as satisfying."

"As landing a punch on a sannin or a pervert? Seems you certainly get enough of the latter with Naruto hanging around," she ribbed.

The comment made Sakura smile as she realized maybe a part of it _was _shinobi ego, not just female sensibilities. "All right, all right," she conceded. "I guess it's a bit of both then. Nothing wrong with that, is there?"

"Nothing at all," Ino agreed before her tone turned haughty. "Just so long as you don't do anything to mess up the plan. I promise you, when it all pans out you'll have more satisfaction than a measly punch could accomplish."

Sakura couldn't help but let her mind flash to Kakashi and Ino's insinuations from earlier, and she wondered if her friend really was right or if she was kicking her own feet out from under herself.

"Now," Ino interrupted her reverie, "do you know which of your neighbors is home and what their schedules are?"

Sakura nodded. She'd had to do a bit more tailing and peeping than she was comfortable with and never had she wished more to have the talent of an Aburame. To just be able to place a bug on each of them to track their movements would have been pure bliss.

She'd actually considered asking Shino if he'd lend her a hand, but she didn't know him well enough to make such a request anything but awkward. Even if he agreed, she just would've felt like she was using him. Instead she decided she'd just try to seek him out more often – not for the purpose of using him in the future with a clear conscience, but because it had saddened her to realize how little she truly knew him – especially with them running in something of the same circles considering he'd been Hinata's teammate.

As it was though she'd found out all the information she needed through good old fashioned leg work and snooping. Really, all they needed was someone who was home alone that Ino could perform her mind jutsu on in order to interrupt her and Jiraiya again.

"There's Hatsume, next door here," she thrust her thumb toward her south wall, "but she's a cantankerous old woman. If she has any inkling of what's going on or what you've done to her we'll never hear the end of it. I'd probably end up having to move," she mumbled.

There wasn't a high percentage of shinobi in the building – something she figured was due to its proximity to the hospital. Most nin, like Kakashi, tried to stay as far away from the hospital as they could when not required to be there. Kakashi was bad enough though that he even complained about her apartment whenever he was over, claiming that the proximity was bad enough to make her place smell of antiseptic.

Sakura just shook her head at his antics, but even she likely would've tried to live somewhere out of the shadow of her workplace were it not for the fact that, given her position with Tsunade, she was called upon at all odd hours of both day and night. When she was dead tired she appreciated that her bed was closer rather than farther.

That meant, however, that most of the building's tenants were civilians, and elderly ones at that, who appreciated the security they felt from being so near the hospital. Civilians didn't always detect jutsu in the same way a shinobi would, hence why it was possible they might be able to find someone who wouldn't notice the mind-transference at all. The optimal option would be to find someone asleep so that whatever the individual _did_ remember could be passed off as a dream.

Sakura rattled off a few more options to Ino, trying to limit them to the ones closest to her apartment as distance factored in for where Ino could leave her body and how long she could hold the transfer.

"The last option is probably the best one."

"Why didn't you start off with this one then?" Ino asked waspishly.

"Because if anything goes wrong I want you to know who else is available."

Ino muttered under her breath, unable to fault Sakura's logic but unwilling to concede to it. "So?" she prompted. "Who is it?"

"Sumi. She's seventy-two years old, three doors down on the floor below us, and is a notorious gossip."

"Seems like you've said that about all the women in your building over the age of fifty," Ino observed, amused.

"Yeah, well, it's true," Sakura huffed. "You should know."

Ino just smiled. "A woman never reveals her sources."

"_Anyhow_," Sakura continued, "she almost always takes a nap midday, so she should be perfect."

Ino nodded. "And if she finds out?"

Sakura had thought of that too. "She's one of the nicest women in the building. Always brings me up sweets when she's made too many. She's also always seemed very protective of me, actually," she related fondly. "She's continually warning me of the dangers of perverts, of men in general actually, and I remember one time she ripped into Naruto for saying something 'vulgar and inappropriate around a lady'," she quoted, mimicking Sumi's high, offended voice.

Ino raised a brow in question and Sakura made an irritated sound in the back of her throat. "Me, pig, she was talking about me."

"Ah," Ino said with an impish smile.

She'd also considered just asking Sumi if she'd cooperate with them – after all, it was for the purpose of teaching humility to one heck of a pervert – but Ino had cautioned her against doing so. People tended to be strangely restrained about giving access to the unfettered privacy of their minds. And while Ino was both an information gatherer and a gossip, she and her family had a strict code of honor about not prying into anyone's personal affairs for anything other than village safety, mission work, or interrogation.

Not that that prevented Ino from threatening friends and rivals alike when they wouldn't give her a piece of information she wanted. After all, most of them were unaware that she wouldn't follow through – Ino wasn't exactly typically known for bluffing.

But for this reason Ino had expressed doubt that anyone, sympathizer or not, would allow her to invade their mind, and after recalling her own experience of being on the receiving end of that particular jutsu, Sakura couldn't blame them. Everyone had secrets, and they just wouldn't know whether they could trust Ino to show restraint.

As with many things, however, this was one of those instances where it was better to ask forgiveness than permission. Once the individual on the receiving end of the transfer was released, he or she would be perfectly aware of what parts of their mind had been accessed.

Hopefully Sumi would be asleep anyhow, so it wouldn't matter.

Ino nodded her head. "That sounds like my target then."

Sakura glanced at

Sakura glanced at the clock – it was already 11:45. "Oh no, it's late!" They didn't know if he would arrive early, excited about the prospect of a new research subject, so they'd planned to have Ino out of there by 11:30. "Hurry up and go hide in your spot."

The blonde paused just inside the window. "Remember, if things go off track: brains, not brawn."

"Sheesh!" Sakura cried. "You're acting like I'm Naruto. I'm not _that_ bad." Ino didn't respond, just winked, and then she was gone. Instantly Sakura started pacing again, too much nervous energy trapped up inside to stay still.

She walked to one end of her small living room, paused for a moment while tapping her foot, then spun and marched back the other way, staring at the clock. She repeated the process over and over, grinding her teeth as noon came and went.

Apparently getting dumped in the landfill must've hurt Jiraiya's pride more than they'd anticipated if he was purposefully making her wait.

Sure enough, at 12:22 a knock sounded at her door and she opened it to find Jiraiya, his supposed humility as transparent as his infamous jutsu, standing on the other side.

"Sorry I'm late. Got a little lost trying to find which apartment was yours."

Sakura bit her tongue on a retort, instead pasting on a smile and gesturing him inside. Honestly, the man was a sannin and could find his way around a toad's belly, and he expected her to believe he had trouble reading the numbers on the apartment doors? At least Kakashi was generally inventive with his excuses. "Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you arrived."

"Why thank you," he beamed, seeming genuinely gratified.

"I'm so sorry about what happened at the hospital," she rushed to assure him. "I had no idea Kakashi would be arriving, let alone helping out like that. I'd figured they all would have left quickly and I could've gotten you out of there. I'd never intended for you to wind up at the landfill." That last part at least was true; they'd intended to leave the threat of Shizune's imminent arrival lingering for quite a while, leaving the old author to muck about in the trash bin for a good long while before assuring him the coast was clear and letting him out, by which time Sakura, of course, would be needed back at her normal post.

Still, she couldn't regret how things turned out – aside from not getting to see his face as he was unceremoniously dropped into the dump. Oh, that would have been good. A true grin crossed her face at the thought and Jiraiya took it as her pleasure at his presence.

"Nonsense my dear, all water under the bridge. If we focus exclusively on the past we get swept away in the tide of resentment or stagnate in our convictions, so it's always good to pay attention to the present and the new day."

As always, he could speak little bits of wisdom when he so chose, but Sakura braced herself for the shift to not-so-subtle double entendre that was sure to follow. When it didn't come she was pleasantly surprised and released her tension on a sigh. "Would you care for some tea?" she asked, leading him into the kitchen.

"You don't have anything stronger?"

She snorted. "Working around Tsunade all the time I've learned to eschew drink for the most part." She would've sworn she saw him twitch slightly at the name of her mentor and made a mental note to pay more attention to the subject.

"In that case, some tea would be lovely."

She poured him a glass and handed it to him and she just kept from snatching her hand away when his covered hers in the transfer. She'd thought the mention of Tsunade had slowed him down for a minute, but maybe she was wrong. Or, worse, maybe she was right and this was him when he wasn't trying. For all she knew, putting the moves on a woman was probably second nature to him at the point; he might not even know when he was doing it.

"So what's a pretty little thing like you doing cooped up at the hospital all the time? Don't you like the fresh air?"

Sakura fervently hoped that was a genuine question and not a probe as to why he hadn't caught her at any of the open-air bath houses recently. Before she could answer, though, a knock came at the door. She groaned aloud, mostly for show. "What is it this time?"

Going to the door she looked through the peephole, then made shushing gestures at her companion. "Just a minute!" she called. Hurrying back over to Jiraiya she gave him a few harried instructions in terse, whispered words. "It's Sumi, one of my neighbors. She has one of the biggest mouths in all of Konoha and if she finds you here it'll only be a matter of hours before everyone else knows about it too."

"Why don't you just send her away?" he asked, obviously put out.

She sighed. "She's an old lady, somewhat lonely, and I can't just send her away like that. I only need to let her inside for a little while, just to show that I'm not disregarding her totally, but then I can send her off. She normally doesn't talk for too long. The problem is she can't see you here!"

Jiraiya put down his cup, a bit disgruntled. "Shall I leave then?"

Grabbing at his sleeve, she implored him with her eyes. "No, don't. I'd still like to talk. Just let me send her away. Can't you just do something, like a henge? Yeah, that's it!" she said, snapping her fingers. "Just turn yourself into Naruto for a little while. She's used to seeing him hanging around my place, and since you're around him nearly as much as I am you'll be able to mimic his mannerisms."

"Well, I don't know…" he hedged.

"Please?"

He still debated it for a moment, but when he finally agreed Sakura felt powerfully victorious. "All right then," she said, shuffling back over to the door. "Let me know when you're all set." Turning her back to him she let her enjoyment slip over her face. Jiraiya was in for something of a boring awakening when 'Sumi' would refuse to leave, instead pouring out all her complaints and aches and troubles to her young friend, Sakura seemingly unable to turn the old woman away.

"Set," a new voice said behind her and she spun to see a perfect replica of her teammate, even so far that his chakra now bore more resemblance to Naruto than to himself.

"Wow," she whispered in genuine admiration. She had to catch herself back from asking if he could teach her how to perform such close chakra mimicry, knowing he'd likely take it as an invitation to something altogether different. Still, it was nice to see, every now and again, why he really was so revered in the shinobi world.

She opened the door, letting her friend in, catching the old woman's eye as the Ino inside her winked. All was going according to plan.

Half an hour later she knew Jiraiya to be bored to tears. He was no longer looking at either of them, instead focusing on the pattern on her teacup. She smirked, wondering just how much longer he'd hold up. Nothing, after all, was as long-lasting as Ino's mouth. She was thrown into a state of confusion, though, when there was yet another knock at her door. She shot a glance to Ino/Sumi but she just shrugged, as unaware of what was going on as Sakura.

Slowly she stood and walked to the door, hoping to be able to send the intruder away without too much of a bother, but as soon as the handle clicked her neighbor Hatsume barged right in. "What's that? What's this all about? You young 'uns are making such noise!"

Sakura stared blankly at her, dumbfounded. It was Ino who responded first. "Young ones? Why thank you so much, I do appreciate a good compliment."

Hatsume sniffed. "And him," she said, pointing at Naruto, "what's he doing here? He got here awfully fast."

Jiraiya was on his feet in an instant, sensing the danger level rising.

"What are you talking about?" Sakura asked placidly.

"I mean, I just saw that young hooligan at the ramen vendor with his girlfriend on my way back home."

Sakura's eyes narrowed. Oh yes, she knew what was going on now, but she wasn't going to say a word…yet.

Jiraiya, however, only cared for what the cantankerous old woman had just divulged. "Girlfriend? Naru- I mean, _I_ have a girlfriend?"

Hatsume just stared at him like he'd gone daft. "Of course you do, unless you just broke up with her while you were having lunch. Such an ungentlemanly place to do it, but your generation doesn't seem to care much about codes of conduct anymore. Why just the other day-"

Jiraiya cut off her tirade with a question of her own. "Her name? I mean, you must have recognized her, right?" Then, realizing how silly that question must have sounded when he himself was supposed to be dating her, he added, "No one was supposed to know about us yet so I just want to know if you're on the right track and we've been outed."

Sakura inhaled sharply at how close he'd just hit to her situation. Did he have any idea?

Hatsume narrowed her eyes but answered all the same. "Hinata."

Jiraiya's eyes widened. "The Hyuuga girl? You mean the one with the…" He trailed off, obviously deciding that gesturing with his hands cupped out in front of him was a much better mode of conveying his sentiment.

Both women were staring at Sakura now, and she stalked up to him, glaring at him all the way, but when she was right up in his face she shot him a wink, hoping he'd understand her actions. "You pervert!" she screeched, and from the widening of his eyes she was sure he was aware of exactly what was going to happen next. Pulling back her arm she let her fist fly, feeling a satisfactory thud as her hand connected, sending the Naruto look-alike smashing out of her window and spiraling down to the ground below. The three women peered over the edges of the broken glass to see the damage

'Naruto' seemed to literally bounce off the ground below and then he took of at a run down the street, cursing as he went.

Sakura couldn't help but dissolve into laughter.

Hatsume gave her an odd look but Sakura ignored it as she turned to Sumi. "Thank you for coming over," she told her. "It's been a delightful visit, but I dare say you must be tired now after your long day. Why don't you go home and take a rest?"

Sumi nodded gratefully and Sakura realized how tired she must really be. Walking her to the door she locked it after her, turning back to face the only remaining occupant in her apartment.

"You can drop the disguise now," she said dryly.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, dear," the old woman replied, pretending at offense.

"Oh please," Sakura scoffed. "You might fool everyone else, you might even be able to suppress your chakra enough to be unreadable, but I can tell it's you. I'll always be able to tell it's you, so just drop it already. Unless you've just always had the secret desire to be an old woman…"

With a put-upon sigh, the figure in front of her rippled in her vision briefly before reforming into the person she was expecting to see. "Nice to see you're male again, Kakashi," she said snarkily.

He shot her a warning look but she just laughed. "Now what are you doing here? And why did you disguise yourself as my neighbor? You know you can drop in at any time."

"And would I really have been welcome just then?"

She glared at him, daring him to suggest what she thought he was hinting at. "And why would you be?" she asked, playing dumb. "You know you're welcome to drop by any time."

"It seemed like you weren't terribly thrilled at the idea of another guest."

"Why Kakashi, I had no idea you were so enamored of the idea of listening to my old neighbors complaining about their corns. I'll be sure to issue you an invitation next time."

"I see Naruto seemed rather excited about it," he said dryly.

"Why did you come in disguise?" she asked, unwilling to let him do all the questioning and push her into a corner. If he was going to be accusatory she wasn't going to make it easy for him.

"I like to brush up on my henge from time to time. It had been a while and I wondered if I could fool you with someone you knew. Apparently I can't."

"No, you can't," she repeated firmly, but she was done playing around now.

"You knew, didn't you."

Kakashi considered prevaricating but knew it was past time for that. "That your 'Naruto' was actually Jiraiya?" He nodded.

"Sure, he hadn't bothered to make his disguise foolproof since he was just entertaining an old civilian woman, but you _knew_. My question is – how _long_ did you know?"

Kakashi continued to gaze intently at her, his eyes boring into her, and she caved, figuring she'd made him worry long enough. "You are aware this was all a set up, right?"

"By who, you or him?"

"By us, of course, trying to teach the old pervert a lesson. He seems unwilling to comprehend the fact that not everyone in the whole of Fire country is angling to be his 'inspiration'."

Sakura backtracked suddenly, her eyes narrowing. "What do you mean, us or him? You really thought that either of us would go along with his ruse? That _I _would?"

He didn't answer, further incriminating him. "Damn it, Kakashi, answer me!" she demanded, smacking him on the arm hard enough for his stance to falter.

At that point he knew he was in trouble – damned if he did, damned if he didn't – so he may as well tell her the truth so she wouldn't keep pushing for more. "He is, ah, experienced," he said, scratching at his cheek. "I didn't know if you might be interested in learning things that probably only he could teach you."

She glared, fire flaring in her eyes. "You really think I would betray you like that?"

Slowly he shook his head. "I'm sure you'd tell me before doing anything of consequence, but I didn't like the idea that you might even be curious, and exploring other…options before finalizing your opinion."

Sakura advanced toward him, her brow furrowed in irritation, and she poked him in the chest. "You stupid, stupid man. I've been around Naruto for most of my life and I think we both know well enough that I don't like perverts."

He caught her finger in his hand. "You put up with me," he said quietly, and she saw how he could make the jump, how he would consider that if she was fine with his antics that it wouldn't be a stretch to deal with Jiraiya's.

She wrested herself away from him, breaking his grip. "You're different."

"How so?" he asked, suddenly curious.

"You're harmless."

He shrugged. "So is Jiraiya."

Sakura shook her head emphatically. "No, he's a nuisance. You keep it to your reading; you don't peep or skulk about or harass every woman you see."

"Nope," he said smiling, "just one."

She sighed heavily. "You know what I mean. If you can't even tell the difference between you two, then I fail to see how I'll convince you that I like _you_, not overly-cocky, ego-strutting maniacs like him."

She looked up to see Kakashi smiling at her softly. "What?" she asked, getting her back up immediately.

"That's the first time you've said that."

"S-said what?"

"That you like me."

She blushed a brilliant scarlet. "I let you know that before – otherwise we wouldn't even be having this conversation."

His eye crinkled in that tell-tale way of his, something she secretly adored, and his hand landed on her cheek, thumb brushing her skin softly. "Not in so many words, you haven't."

"W-well I do, all right?" she said, her embarrassment making her snappish.

"All right." She wouldn't look him in the eye still, and he suddenly found the sight of her discomfiture captivating. "You're adorable," he laughed.

Her head snapped up as she stared at him, horrified. "You better not do anything demeaning like ruffling my hair now."

"No such thing," he whispered as he leaned down and surprised her with a kiss. It was only the second time either of them had attempted the gesture and Kakashi couldn't help but relish the way he could feel her skin heating up beneath his hand, the way her hands found their way to his vest, his hair. It was still new to them, fresh, and just as the feelings between them were tentative so was this physical affirmation of it, but the way she pressed her lips back against his and her hand trembled ever so slightly against his scalp, he knew he had nothing to worry about.

She was good and truly his. Sure, the reverse was true as well, but that had been the case for longer than she was aware of, and he wasn't about to let her in on that little tidbit yet.

**

* * *

**

Jiraiya continued his run down the road, still disguised as Naruto, unimpeded until he was stopped by some kid. He wouldn't have bothered to stop but for two things: one, the kid was fast, dogged, and obnoxious. Second, he seemed to have some sort of hero-worship going on for his student and that made him instantaneously curious.

He searched his memory for any recollection of who the kid was, as he did seem vaguely familiar, but his mind wasn't nearly as adept at keeping track of males.

"Naruto. Naruto!" the boy was calling, a pair of well-worn goggles flopping from around his belt loop.

"What'dya want kid?" he asked, not knowing what else to call him. "I'm kinda in a rush."

"Oh, alright then, I won't take long. I'm sure you must have something important to do if you're running off so fast. I just wanted to show you my newest variation!"

"Variation on what?" He cast a quick, furtive glance over his shoulder to make sure no one else had been following him down the road.

The boy tilted his head and looked at him as if worried he was coming down with something. "Your sexy-no-jutsu, of course."

Suddenly it clicked. This was Naruto's tag-along, Sarutobi's grandson. Well, this should be interesting. "So, what you got?"

Konohamaru did a few hand signs and next thing he knew, Jiraiya was waking up in the dirt, the kid hanging over him worriedly. "Are you okay Naruto?"

Well, at least he knew his jutsu had held. "What…happened?"

"You passed out. Blood loss." He held up the handkerchief he'd used to staunch the flow under the sannin's nose. "Oh man, this is so good. If it can make you keel over like this I can't wait to see what it does to Ebisu!"

Konohamaru was already half way down the street when Jiraiya finally regained his feet and called after him, "Wait!" but it was too late, he was gone. Well, damn. He couldn't remember a thing about what the kid had done that was exciting enough to make him spurt off. That was just rotten luck. Obviously the kid had talent though. He'd have to make sure to track him down later, maybe take a more active interest when he and Naruto got together. If this was what they spent their time doing he'd be more than willing to tag along and offer…pointers.

Picking up the bloodied handkerchief he wiped at the wet stickiness he could still feel across the bottom half of his face and slowly made his way home, all variety of new ideas forming in his mind.


	4. Part IV

**The Merry Women of Konoha **

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* * *

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Part IV

* * *

After a lot more explaining on both their parts, Kakashi and Sakura had eventually met up with Ino and Shikamaru to plan the grand finale to their little retribution prank. After finalizing the details and enlisting the help of as many friends as they could trust to be quiet, Ino and Sakura made their way over to Ichiraku in order to meet up with Hinata.

"You seem much calmer today, Sakura. What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing," she claimed, though she couldn't help but smile dreamily.

Ino moved to stand in front of her, arms crossed as she blocked the road. "I don't buy it. What gives?"

Sakura had to hand it to her, her friend had a nose for smelling out gossip. She wasn't about to divulge anything about her and Kakashi though. One of the first things they'd discussed the day before was whether or not to just come out about their relationship in order to forego all the frustrations bound to keep facing them by leaving people thinking they were unattached – most especially a determined Jiraiya.

They both knew that, while Sakura enjoyed vindicating herself against Jiraiya and planning his comeuppance, she's prefer to avoid the drama altogether. She had enough of it in her day to day life, on the mission field and in the hospital, that she truly didn't need any more of it. Still, she had to admit it was quite fun to do all the planning, trying to get the best of a shinobi that was more than their equal…well, in all arenas except perhaps the moral one.

Sakura had been dead set against their revealing their relationship though. She wanted them to come out when and only when they felt it was the right time, not because they were cornered into it or because they wanted to get someone off their backs. Their relationship was supposed to only be about the two of them and she wouldn't let it become about anyone else. Kakashi had quietly agreed but hadn't wanted to push it if she had felt differently, so they were quite gratified to discover each felt the same. Thus, they planned to leave it a secret for now.

With friends like Ino, it would come out soon enough anyhow without their active input.

Sakura laughed. "Didn't you see how I got to punch that lazy pervert yesterday? I never knew venting your frustrations in such a way could feel so cathartic."

Ino shot her a skeptical look.

"All right, all right, so I did know." She chuckled. "Still, nothing quite compares to the flight of a sannin, eh?"

Ino had to give it to her. She had been itching to deck the man for insinuating she become his own personal model, so maybe that satisfaction truly was making her friend that happy today. She doubted it, and she had her own suspicions, but they were dealing with enough things at the moment. She'd leave it…for now. The moment this Jiraiya business was done, however, Sakura was going to have a new hound dog.

She was distracted, however, when they arrived at Ichiraku to find Hinata moping over a bowl of ramen she'd barely touched.

"What's wrong?" Ino asked, both girls instantly at her side.

The girl was so morose she seemed to be having trouble finding her words. "I-it's my father. He's trying to get me to agree to an omai."

"A betrothal meeting?" Sakura's voice pitched with outrage. "Why would he do that when he knows full well that you're dating Naruto?"

Hinata sniffled. "He still doesn't think that Naruto is appropriate for me. He's not going to force me to do anything but he's strongly urging me to consider other options – all for the sake of my heirs!" She collapsed into silent hiccups, which both her friends knew was proof she'd recently been crying. Eyes meeting over Hinata's head, they both nodded, minds going along quite the same path.

"Hinata," Sakura said, sitting on the next stool and slinging her arm around her shoulders, "why don't we tell you about a plan we've been cooking up. If you're sure you want Naruto…" She paused, waiting for her friend's affirmation, and when Hinata's head bobbed up and down quite enthusiastically, she took that as the confirmation she needed. "Then I think there's a way we can make it so you two can be together without your father's interference."

Her eyes widened and she looked back and forth between the two girls, her face turning hopeful. "You think?"

"We know," Ino stated emphatically. "Now listen up. This weekend there's going to be a masked festival…"

* * *

Jiraiya looked at the sun's position and slumped back into bed. It had been two days since he'd heard from his two little kunoichi friends and he'd all but given up on the whole endeavor. He figured he either had to give the whole idea up for lost and come up with something new, or find new women. For some reason the latter didn't appeal to him all that much and that in itself made him sure something was wrong with him and that he shouldn't bother to get out of bed. And of course, it had nothing, absolutely _nothing_ to do with the last night's dreams centering around a certain well-endowed woman.

So when he heard the knock on his door he was tempted to tell the intruder to go away, but instead he yelled for the interloper to come in, not bothering to haul himself out of bed.

"Jiraiya?" came the voice, one he recognized immediately and now associated with a mingling of the good and the bad. That voice, it harkened all the experiences he'd had with that Sakura over the past few days, and while he'd certainly experienced worse it still wasn't the grand victory and total inspiration he'd been hoping for.

Bracing himself, he called out, "I'm over here, Ayame."

The ramen vendor popped her head into the room, not showing even the slightest bit of shame at seeing him in bed. Jiraiya grumbled under his breath.

"I have a new message for you," she told him, holding out the scroll. When he didn't take it she tossed it onto the covers. "Were you planning on attending the festival tonight?" she asked conversationally.

"Thought about it," he answered non-committaly.

"I hope to see you there then." With nary another word she sauntered her way out and, if he wasn't mistaken, winked at him just before she disappeared around the doorjamb. He blinked and rubbed his face – he had to be seeing things.

He eyed the scroll on his blanket with a shade of doubt. Things hadn't gone too well with Sakura so far; not the poor girl's fault, but maybe that was fate's way of kicking him for trying something with someone so close to his hime. He shrugged. May as well see what the letter said.

His eyes widened as he read. She wanted to plan another rendezvous? The girl was tenacious, he'd give her that. He rubbed his chin, considering. Well, one more time wouldn't hurt.

He jumped out of bed, feeling much more refreshed. Then he started working on his disguise – the one by which she'd recognize him. He laughed as he read it again.: Izu-San-Gongen. She wanted him to dress as the god of revelry. It was a fitting match, he supposed. He wondered briefly that she hadn't gone with Gama, the Sage with the Toad, but knew that would have been entirely too obvious, and the point of a disguise was to be, well, disguised.

All in all it should be quite interesting. Now he just had to decide whether he was going to do a henge or a good old fashioned costume. He had all day to think about it as their assignation wasn't until the height of the festival at midnight, when all the fireworks would spark off, and the more he thought about it the more his mood lifted, all thoughts of his dreams forgotten.

* * *

It was just an hour until midnight and Sakura and Ino were busy with last minute preparations, making sure everyone knew their parts, when to come out, how to look, and now most importantly – that their love-birds knew when to quietly slip away. They'd gathered quite a crowd of helpers, from Kiba and Shino, who would of course do whatever they could for their teammate's benefit, to Ayame and Konohamaru, they had an assortment of people all ready to defend their friends from either perverts or over-protective fathers.

"You all know what to do then, right?" Sakura verified as she spoke in hushed tones to the lot of them.

"Yeah," Konohamaru piped up first. "I henge myself into that deity you want to scare Jiraiya, Ayame here says a whole lot of mumbo-jumbo, then we all descend on Jiraiya and try to give him the fright of his life."

"Exactly," she said proudly.

"This is so awesome!" the young nin enthused. "It's just like a haunted house, but so much better. And we get to be the ones doing the scaring!"

Sakura chuckled while Moegi bashed him on the head. "Keep it quiet you idiot! You want to let everyone at the festival know where we are and what we're planning?"

There was little chance of that, as they were on training ground fourteen, an old dilapidated pit in the ground that had fallen out of use and was slowly being taken back over by the forest. They were far enough away from the revelry that they could barely hear what was going on, despite the clean night air.

"Okay then, everyone, places. We might have to wait a while so just be patient; the end will be worth it, I promise you." She grinned down at them all before walking away from the pit they all crouched in, turning to where Kakashi and Shikamaru were secluded away. "Not interested in being involved?" she asked them again.

"Naw," said Shikamaru," too much work. It'll be more entertaining to observe anyhow."

Coming up behind her, Ino shrugged. "Your loss." Shikamaru just rolled his eyes and the two of them sidled off just a little ways to converse privately.

Kakashi leaned in, commanding her whole attention. "You've both mastered the jutsu I showed you?"

Sakura looked away shyly. "I don't think 'mastered' is a term I'd choose, considering we've only had two days to get it down and practice it, but I'd say we'll be fine for tonight at least."

"Good," he said shortly, his finger flicking against her cheek. She shivered, and they both knew it wasn't just the cool night air. "You better get on out there then. Can't leave your leading man waiting."

"Kakashi, we've been through this. He's _not_ my leading man, he's not my anything! It's just a prank-"

He pressed his thumb against her lips and she quieted instantly. "I wasn't talking about Jiraiya."

She looked up at him, her eyes going wide. "Oh…_oh_."

He smiled down at her. "I'll be waiting for you once this whole thing is done with."

"You better be," she said, pulling his hand down from his face and squeezing it. She started to say something else, hesitated, then turned away and dragged Ino away from Shikamaru, pulling her toward their meeting spot.

"I saw that," her friend whispered in a sing-song voice.

Sakura turned startled eyes to her; she hadn't even been thinking. "Look, Ino, please don't say anything-"

Ino cut her off with a poke to her favorite part of her anatomy. "Relax, forehead, you give me far too little credit. I love some juicy news as much as the rest person, but I can see why you'd want to have this private for a little while."

Sakura looked up at her, hope dancing in her eyes.

"We'll make a deal. You just let me know what's going on from now on and when you finally make the big reveal I get to tell everyone how I knew all along. I get the inside scoop and you get your privacy. Deal?"

The pink-haired girl slowly broke out into a low chuckle. "You know, you might just be a decent friend, pig."

Ino tossed her high ponytail. "What are you talking about? I'm an absolutely _fabulous_ friend to have."

Sakura laughed. "That you are."

"Shh, wait," Ino quieted her instantly. "Do you hear that? I think he's coming."

Sure enough they heard slow footsteps lumbering toward them, something much clumsier than the sannin's normal gait, but they could see from the silhouette it was him so Sakura guessed he must've gone the traditional costume route. Oh, this was going to be so much fun. As soon as he was close enough they could distinguish his individual features, Sakura rushed to him, gushing compliments over his ensemble.

"Really, Jiraiya, this is a masterpiece!" Truly, it actually was. She had no idea how he'd come up with such elaborate pieces on such short notice, but figured being an author whose stories many people cosplayed off of probably gave him friends in many of the right places.

"And what are you supposed to be, my dear?" he asked, giving her a little twirl.

"I had trouble deciding so eventually I just went with a kitsune." Leaning in closer, she whispered conspiratorially, "Being around Naruto all the time is what gave me the idea."

"Brilliant. Very foxy, I must say. Quite fitting."

"Yes, quite," she repeated, "especially considering they're known for mischief."

Jiraiya quirked an eyebrow, obviously intrigued, but at that moment a loud keening wail went up behind him. He spun to see what it was, turning back to Sakura just in time to see both her and her friend Ino – who'd hung back a ways during their meeting – dissipate into clouds of smoke.

Another moan went up and he searched the inky darkness to find the source of the atrocious noise. Slowly a form appeared from a bit of fog – quite untimely for that time of year – which led Jiraiya to believe there was something unnatural going on. Oh, of course he'd heard that the training ground was haunted, that it was being retaken not only by the forest but also by the forest spirits, but not only did he doubt the veracity of the claim but luckily he'd never been too terrified of spirits.

There was more moaning and wailing, and he swore he heard chanting out beyond the swirling mists, which were quite thick by now, and more and more figures were coming through the ethereal wall. The foremost figure was suddenly hit by a shaft of moonlight and he inhaled sharply as he recognized him for the deity he was: Aizen-Myoo. The lion in his hair roared ferociously, its beady eyes fixed hungrily on Jiraiya, and the third eye in the man's head flickered back and forth between a vicious red and a pure, soft gold.

Jiraiya stood his ground, however. The deity of lust suppression? Bah. He'd like to see him try and purify a bona fide pervert like himself. He had too much stored up inside him for anyone, even a deity, to turn it to enlightenment. So he planted his legs wide, threw open his arms, and called out to the spirit. "Give it your best shot! I'll bet you've never met another man like me."

Sakura chewed on a fingernail nervously. She and Ino had transported themselves only a short distance away so they could observe Jiraiya's humiliation at the hand of their congregation of spirits, but this wasn't going at all according to plan at all. Jiraiya was supposed to be afraid that the deity would sap him of all inspiration, perhaps even forever, not be grinning maniacally in the face of it. He almost seemed like he was _enjoying_ himself, and Sakura wondered belatedly if he appreciated the challenge.

Well, it didn't matter. Sakura wasn't going to let things end like this; after carefully observing him through their last few meetings she now knew his secret. Muttering the signs for the strongest chakra suppression she knew – fortifying the ones she and Ino had already been using to hide themselves - she cast the jutsu over herself, then added a henge into the mix before strolling into the clearing.

"Tsu-Tsunade?!" Jiraiya looked positively horrified.

"What's going on here?" Sakura asked in Tsunade's voice.

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing! You didn't see anything…did you?" His voice was so plaintive Sakura almost felt bad for scaring him like this…almost.

"You mean like you meeting with two of my medics?"

Jiraiya positively paled. "It, it was nothing, I tell you! I-"

Sakura couldn't keep her composure any longer and dissolved into a fit of laughter, dropping both jutsu and revealing herself as she really was.

"Sakura?" he asked, appearing concussed.

One by one the others popped out of hiding or returned to their normal forms, all gathering around Jiraiya and lightly poking fun at him.

"What?" Jiraiya looked around at each of them, as if confirming what he was seeing was real. He actually seemed to be having more trouble accepting this scenario than the previous one full of forest spirits and lust-suppressing deities.

"This is just the women of Konoha fighting back," she said with great satisfaction as Ino came to stand by her side. "We're sick of constantly having to watch for you being on our tails and decided a little bit of humility might help you realize that."

Jiraiya glanced around the circle again, eyes locking on Kakashi for a moment, then he shook his head ruefully. "I see I'm beat out this time." He was embarrassed but still laughing, so the rest of the group felt no compunction about joining in and ribbing him a bit for his downfall.

Sakura was still smiling at the scene they were making when she felt Kakashi come up behind her. "To your satisfaction?" he whispered, the rough fabric of his mask brushing her ear. When she didn't pull away he put a hand on her waist, and from the startled gasps and loud guffaws nearby, she guessed that more than one person had noticed. Suddenly, she decided she didn't care.

"Oh yes," she whispered in return, and spinning in his loose embrace she cupped his face and kissed him. She paid no attention to the outburst behind her, neither the catcalls nor the one person cackling loudly – Ino no doubt – as her mind was wrapped up in the sensations of him, wishing she could taste him and not his mask. It was only when a loud call of disgust went up that she pulled back from him.

"Sakura, really? That's gross!" And there was Naruto, standing hand in hand with Hinata, both looking brilliantly happy aside from the face Naruto was now making.

Sakura couldn't help it, she burst out giggling. "Maybe you should try it sometime!" she called out over the crowd. "I'm sure Hinata wouldn't mind."

Naruto snorted loud enough for her to hear it. "Of course she wouldn't mind, she _is _my wife."

Stunned silence fell over the group. "You…what?" Sakura choked out.

Raising up their linked hands, Naruto announced to the clearing at large, "We got married!"

After a split second of stunned silence a rousing cheer erupted from the crowd. Sakura couldn't believe it. Sure, they'd planned to let the two sneak off together, maybe even go away on a trip to escape for a while, but she sure hadn't envisioned they'd use the time to elope. She couldn't help but laugh.

"Smart move," Kakashi said into her ear, and Sakura had to agree.

They looked on as Naruto stared down into the face of his new wife, a raucous celebration breaking out in the middle of the training field, until one voice cut through all the chatter with a clear, simple, "Stop!" It hadn't even sounded like the man had raised his voice to get their attention and when Sakura finally located him she could see why. How on earth had Hyuuga Hiashi found his way to their location?

Apparently Hinata was just as stymied. "F-father? How are you…"

Hinata's sister Hinabi stepped up beside her, looking slightly uncomfortable. "I think that would be my fault," she said quietly. Hinata stared down at her sister, aghast. They'd been getting on so much better in recent years, she'd hate to think she'd sabotaged her. "It's not what you think though," Hinabi continued hastily, obviously worried her sister would jump to just that conclusion. "It's just…" she sighed heavily.

"Konohamaru invited me to come along but when I was leaving dad asked where I was going. I didn't know anything about what you two were doing so I didn't see any reason not to tell him." She ignored her father's glare, despite being able to feel it from the other side of the clearing. "I really didn't mean to tell on you, honest."

Hinata patted her sister's shoulder awkwardly. "That's all right. It's not like I was going to keep my marriage secret so he was bound to find out tomorrow anyhow."

She turned and looked at her father. "It's perfectly sound and legal." He knew what she was telling him. It would shame the family if he tried to coax her into annulment or divorce; now that she had married him he had to accept it or disgrace his family's name. That didn't mean he was happy with it though.

"I see," he said coldly.

Naruto looked back and forth between the two, his new father-in-law and new wife. "Hey, I don't get you," he called out to Hiashi. "Shouldn't your daughter's happiness be what's most important?"

Hinata quieted him with a touch at his elbow, shaking her head gently. "You now know my choice, father. Whether you accept it or not is up to you, but I have made my move and I am not yielding."

To the utter surprise of everyone Hiashi actually smiled at that statement. "Ah, daughter, you make me a proud father."

Apparently even Hinata was confused as she stuttered out a baffled, "E-excuse me?"

"I have been waiting for you to start taking control of your life. If he is the catalyst you needed to stand up to me as the current head and start taking on your role as the new head of the house, then I welcome him most warmly."

Hinata's jaw trembled slightly, something only Naruto noticed, and she bowed with respect she could only hope was conveyed across the mass of people. "I thank you, father."

Naruto's eyes watered up at the scene as well, and before he could help himself he had launched himself across the clearing and wrapped Hiashi up in an embrace. "Thank you, pops. I promise, I'm going to be the best son-in-law ever!" Even Neji, who Hinata saw skulking in the shadows behind her father, cracked a smile at that.

"Well then," Hiashi said, extricating himself from Naruto's embrace and putting a comfortable amount of distance between them, "we need to plan for a proper ceremony with all the family and necessary dignitaries present." Hinata joined Naruto in front of her father and they both nodded quickly. "And in the meantime, I suppose we'd best continue the wedding celebration tonight at our home."

Hinata gazed tremulously at her father. "You mean it?"

Hiashi scoffed at her disbelief. "Of course I do. What father wouldn't celebrate the union of a beloved daughter?"

Hinata covered her mouth.

"Besides, the proper wedding is bound to be much less…_celebratory_," he put it diplomatically, "so enjoy the revelry while you're able."

Naruto and Hinata embraced each other again, to much 'ooh'ing and 'ah'ing from their friends. Then they turned as one to the group and Naruto announced, "Come on, everyone!" He nudged Hinata, and she raised her voice as much as she was able. "We would very much enjoy if you would join us at our home for a celebration." She bowed to the group as a whole and Hiashi looked on with approval, nodding his head at Hinata's public announcement.

Then Naruto, whooping and hollering, took off into the forest toward the Hyuuga manor, still grasping tightly at Hinata's hand. Everyone else took off after him but he stopped suddenly to survey the group behind him. "Ne, Jiraiya, where you going? Aren't you coming along?"

The old sannin stopped in his tracks from where he'd been quietly creeping away and spun to stare at his student. After being publically thwarted he'd been hoping to make his way home to salve his damaged ego, and he could've cursed Naruto for calling him out. Still, a party was a party. Turning in deference to Hiashi, he raised a hand in query.

Hiashi bowed. "Of course you are most welcome at my home, honorable Jiraiya." A couple snickers escaped the crowd at the title but both conversing parties ignored it. "I only ask you keep from leering at my guests."

Jiraiya stood quiet a moment, then he threw back his head and laughed, big deep belly laughs that had his hold body shaking and making him truly look like the deity he was dressed to be. "All right then," he exclaimed. "A wedding celebration it is."

As the rag-tag group of people exited the clearing to the sounds of revelry, Kakashi and Sakura hung behind. "I guess we're out then, huh?" she said, laughing nervously. When he didn't respond quickly enough for her tastes, she added hesitantly, "Are you okay with that?"

Kakashi chuckled. "More than okay. You?"

She shook her head before grinning up at him. "I'm great."

"I believe we have one more order of business for the evening then."

Her brows knit together as she tried to think of what she could have forgotten and Kakashi smiled at her antics. Taking her by the elbow he pulled her deeper into the trees, where the overhead canopy blocked the moonlight and she could barely make out his silhouette. Then without warning he leaned down and pressed his mouth to hers.

Sakura was in stunned shock for a split second, stunned by the fact his naked lips were against hers for the first time, then responded enthusiastically to his touch. She luxuriated in the sense of him, of the roughness of an upper lip that needed a shave, the flavor and texture of lips she'd not yet experienced, and when his tongue met hers she inhaled on a gasp before grabbing his head and pulling him more firmly against her. She felt she could get drunk off the taste of him.

Kakashi couldn't help it; he smiled against her lips. Not only was he experiencing the same refreshing newness of sensation that he was, but he was also reveling in the culmination of a vague hope turned reality. He wasn't sure why Sakura found his brand of perversion acceptable when she so vehemently eschewed anything associated with Jiraiya – though he was sure he could attribute at least part of that to his manifold charms – but he was grateful for it.

Abruptly, though, he pulled back, pressing his forehead to hers as he fixed his mask back in place. Today had brought them enough surprises – she could wait a bit longer for that one. Gesturing for her to stay quiet when she went to ask him something, he pulled back and angled his head away so he wouldn't be shouting directly in her face.

"Jiraiya! I know you're still out there." His voice carried clearly in the chill night air. "You better get out of here or I'll tell the real Tsunade what you've been up to."

There was a soft rustle, which Sakura might have attributed to a rabbit, were it not for the unhappy curses that accompanied it. Apparently he hadn't learned his lesson quite as thoroughly as Sakura had intended. Soon silence reigned again and she looked speculatively up at Kakashi, unhappy that the lack of light meant she couldn't read him at all. Granted, she couldn't read him completely even in full daylight, but she prided herself that she was more adept at it than most people. "How did you know he was there? I couldn't sense him at all."

Kakashi shook his head ruefully, though she could sense the amusement in him. "I couldn't sense any chakra either. I just know him."

Sakura groaned heavily and dropped her head against his chest. "He's never going to change, is he?"

"Not likely. But that's not what I'm concerned about right now."

"You're not?" she asked seriously, but when she saw the set of his shoulders, the tilt of his chin, she understood where he was going and her voice turned coy to match. "Well," she said, sliding her hands up to his shoulders, "what is this major concern of yours then?"

"Why we're wasting time talking when we could be doing so many other, more enjoyable things."

"Talking a waste of time!" she started, outraged, but then he slid his mask down and his lips were creating the most delicious friction against hers, and she realized she might just agree with him.

* * *

Jiraiya skulked aimlessly through the forest in the general direction of the Hyuuga manor. Oh, he'd show up eventually, but after being the center of attention for most of the evening he wanted to let the kids have their moment before showing up and likely stealing some of it back. He was proud of Naruto though, finding a good girl. Too bad it had never happened for him.

"So, I hear you've been to some pretty interesting things, Jiraiya," a voice spoke in the darkness, and his heart just about leapt out of his chest at the sound of it.

He laughed nervously, pulling at a collar that was nowhere near his throat. "Is that so." He'd have asked her how she knew that, what with her old apprentice being otherwise occupied at the moment, but she'd always had her ways.

"Quite right," Tsunade confirmed. "I think this might be grounds for some rather tough punishment, don't you think?" She was examining her nails now and he always hated it when she was casual like that.

"Just what kind of punishment would that be?"

"Whatever fits the crime, of course."

He swallowed loudly. "Depends on the severity of the crime, of course," he said nervously. "So, would this be a good or bad punishment?" Ebisu's words about Tsunade's new ideas had never quite left his mind.

"Hmm." She shrugged, sounding bored. "Considering the week I hear you had…"

Jiraiya winced; he'd really hoped she hadn't heard _all _about the week and his humiliations.

"I suppose we can go with good," she finished.

Jiraiya's head nearly snapped from the force with which he twisted around to look directly at her. He couldn't believe what he'd heard, and the only verification he got from her was a single finger that beckoned him hither and a strict voice calling, "Come on, Jiraiya, we don't have all night. Unless you don't mind being left behind?"

A slow grin spread across his face. If this was what he had to look forward to after what he'd endured then he'd gladly do it all again.

Maybe the week hadn't been a complete loss after all.

* * *

_"We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do, Wives may be merry, and yet honest too" _- The Merry Wives of Windsor, Act IV Scene II

* * *

End


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